Sorry about this

Nitroham reviews is going on a month hiatus while I cram for college exams and such. It’ll either be back up after that or I’ll be moving the whole operation to Almostironic.com (which should be up and running by then)


Taking a break

Hey all. I’m taking a break this week to focus on college work but I’ll be back again next thursday. have a good one.


Big Mommas: Finaly! A bad movie!

Big Momma and little Momma (Photo from in-this-economy.com)

Big Momma and little Momma (Photo from in-this-economy.com)

Welcome back to the movie reviews of an easily distracted explosive pig.

This week I’ve reviewed Big Mommas: like father, like son. I decided to go in later than I normally do and started watching with only half an hour left in the movie.

First thing we see  here is Trent (Brandon T. Jackson) being led into a college music room at night by Haley (Jessica Lucas). There he convinces her to show him her presentation for the upcoming talent showcase which will be watched by all the big music colleges. Now, Haley is good, but she lacks confidence so Trent reveals that he’s a musical super-genius and slides up next to her to instantly, perfectly, make it a duet. Right into it I find myself questioning the believability of the movie (and I gave Sucker Punch full marks last week). So we get the protagonist bonding with his love interest and the night culminates with her almost convincing him to commit to an education. And they smooch. That goes without saying though. I could have told you they did that as soon as I saw them going into the college.

During this exchange of saliva we see that they are being seen by two guys in suits surveying the scene. They try to follow Trent as he leaves so they can grab him but he disappears into a supply closet and emerges seconds later as . . . Supergirl . . . or his alter ego Charmaine. The two lackeys never put two and two together. They check the closet right after he leaves and there is no way he could have gotten out but this pair are morons so they lose him (you’d think Big Bads would have a minimum intelligence requirement for their henchmen by now). They call their boss, tell him that the lost Trent they’ll be able to use his girlfriends to nab him and then use him to nab his dad. Then they’ll kill them both.

I’m gonna say it now, that’s all I ever got out of this film for motivation. To me it just looked like the bad guys wanted to kill Malcolm (Martin Lawrence/Big Momma) and Trent. I never even learned why the undercover drag duo were at the college.

So, speaking of Big Momma, we next see him lecturing two students over kidnapping a very important rooster. I think it may have been a mascot. He lectures them, Presses them for information on a presumably valuable music box and then covers for them when a member of college staff walks in on them with the cock on the table in front of the girls. He then looks out the window, sees Henchman 1 and 2 at their car and sprints out after them, yelling at them not to move.

This, again took me right out of the movie. This guy is a cop yet he runs across a college campus at a pair of suspects while yelling at them not to move? Anyway, a brief car chase ensues which I must admit was kinda funny and Beavis and Butthead get away.After this it just seemed like both Malcolm and Trent were helping out with the show.

So, this is what I could make out of the plot. Malcolm and Trent are in Drag to help find a valuable music box and an old nemesis is trying to kill them. Either that or two guys dress in drag to gain the trust of female students and get backstage with them while two idiot undercover cops try in vain to murder them without being noticed.

I’ll admit that this movie made me laugh a couple of times but other than that, it was kinda dreadful. The plot was either completely stupid or unbelievable (or both) and the same could be said for the characters and the acting. I couldn’t be bothered watching the last 15 minutes of this crap.

3/10

Here, have a trailer.


Sucker Punch: The internet’s sexy girlfriend

https://nitrohamreviews.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/1293938509_sucker-punch-robot-photo-29-7-10-kc.jpg?w=300

The girls (from left) Rocket, baby Doll, Amber, Sweet pea and Blondie (From justincarreiro.blogspot.com)

I’m taking a brief break from the 15 minute thing this week for a few reasons. Firstly: there is no way you can only watch 15 minutes of this film. Secondly . . . ok, there’s only one reason. I already watched the whole thing. But I feel that somebody has to stand up for this movie after all the bad reviews it’s gotten so I’m reviewing it anyway.

So, i may as well get right down to it. The plot of Sucker Punch is one that you couldn’t grasp from only 15 minutes. This is mainly because it’s still really confusing if you watch the whole thing. Baby Doll’s (Emily Browning) mother just died and left everything to her and her sister. Her step-dad didn’t like this so he went after them. Baby Doll, trying to protect her sister, accidentally killed her. Good ol’ step-daddy used the opportunity to send Baby Boll to an asylum. Then, to make sure she doesn’t talk to the police and vindicate herself, he pays Blue (Oscar Isaac), an orderly, to forge the documents needed to lobotomized her.

This is where it gets a little confusing. Not long after entering the asylum it becomes a burlesque brothel where the inmates  dance for the clients and the orderlies are the pimps with the head doctor, Vera Gorski (Carla Gugino) acting as the dance instructor. It’s never quite explained how this happens. I think it’s a hallucination brought on by Baby Doll as a coping mechanism. Anyway, in the brothel, when Baby Doll dances, everybody is hypnotised and she enters a dream state representative of tasks she and some of the girls are taking on to obtain items needed for an escape. This dream state is where the action happens. Depending on the task the girls might be fighting clockwork steam punk nazi zombies, giant samurai golems with rocket launchers or, well, more crazy cool stuff.

Simple enough, if not a little confusing, right? Right. But that’s not why this is such a fantastic movie. Visually, musically, downright sensorially, this is a masterpiece. I went out and actually bought the sound track afterwards. The fight scenes are beautifully choreographed, the pop culture references are both hilarious and mind-blowing. All of that and the acting is also fantastic. The relationship between Baby Doll, Rocket (Jena Malone) and her sister Sweet Pea (Abbie Cornish) is complex, believable and moving. I’m not going to go into why, that would ruin it, but this movie is very dark.

Go see this film. It’s an obsidian homage to gritty pop culture and an empowering visual trip.

10/10

Here’s the opening scene. Sorry, I couldn’t find any fight scenes. Go see it in the cinema for that.



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